it was on a whim and a nudge from one of my children that i indulged myself herein. my intent has been to release all the anguish that began "back in the day" when i really wanted to write and did, but stopped. the reasoning that prevented me from wanting to pursue writing came from the disdain i felt when readers challenged my words. i was too naive to realize that is precisely why any one should expose themselves in writing, to get a reaction. if not, then why bother. back then i just wanted everyone to say that i was talented and agree with me. i meant to be profound.
of course, then as now, i felt compelled to rant, to divulge my personal observations regarding everything that was wrong. and then as now the topics were alike; degradation of our environment, the lack of empathy humans have for each other, how patriarchal governments have created a course of history detrimental to all life forms, yadda,yadda,yadda. we’re talking a span of forty years, then to now. and as much as i felt part of a poignant revolution on this planet spanning a decade or so, not nearly enough was accomplished. thanks to me.
what could i have said to have impacted the minds of people who were ripe to develop new ideas? those who could have been inspired, may not have been in agreement, but may have at least paid attention. just as i was moved by song lyrics and rebel bands ( not southern, but revolting against the whatever)jefferson airplane, steppenwolf, the beatles, neil young, CSN, the byrds, dylan, the doors; some one may have heard the call and taken a position to stand up for the rest of their lives against those forces of evil. i admit, i was lazy and busy with other things. i fell off the band wagon as did many of my generation. watch VH1 behind the bands to hear the tales of drunkenness, drug abuse, how-fortune-and-fame-changed-me stories from my idols. as much as the music is still heard and appreciated, it is only reminiscent of a time of great turmoil. we instead, adapted.
i know i did. i settled into a life of raising children, in my fashion. i wanted to instill in them ideals that i myself wasn’t really living. i had had the notion that by my living example, they would learn and carry on. my example,however,was horrible. i was adapting to living in a world i still wanted to be changed, but hadn’t the time or energy to apply myself to the cause. i am apologetic for that on so many levels! currently, my revelation has been that it is never too late to change. the still waters running deep may be oozing from the leach bed. i am motivated to churn the thought processes of those who will listen. my inspiration is those children who were spawned during that period of revolt, who of their own accord, write!
perhaps it was my own mother who reinforced the fear that my writing might not be meaningful, by pounding on her typewriter through the night never finishing the same romance novel. a skyscraper worth of paper wasted and redundant nights filled with the sounds of her hunting and pecking, amounted to a family as frustrated as she was. unlike the poets and musicians who were guided by matters of the heart when they evoked a rebellious response, later becoming spoiled by their unintentional fame and fortune, her intent was only for that. she meant to capture the escapists minds to cash in on it. a word junkie though is all she could ever be in the outcome.today i wonder if she had the Internet at her disposal if things may not have been different for her. my children do, however, and they use it! bloggers they have become, for the good of us all in my opinion.
also, my opinion is that communication is ever so important. so, i became a talker when i stopped writing. challenged in conversation, i could retaliate immediately. words that fall out of your head as you speak just spill all around, there is no accountability. you have the ability to convince another mind that what you said wasn’t what you wanted to convey, they just took it wrongly. you may erase the probability that certain words were even uttered with a fit of committed denial. it was safer. once something is put into writing and published, there’s no going back. that takes some moxie! to find out who really has that gift and fortitude, check out:
just-a-position.blogspot.com AND runforyourlife.blogs.friendster.com , to see what i mean. therein lies my truest inspiration. it has taken the actions of those kids who suffered through my upbringing of them (and my mom’s) to eradicate any fears i have had to" just write it" ! as corny as that may sound, i used to always say "just do it!" before Nike ever dreamed of adopting such a slogan, but i never published it in writing, so what does that tell you?
